offer?

So....maybe this is the place to make an offer about my future, and anyone that has ideas for me please join in....Goddess, perhaps I can be "released" from blackmail if I do the following. I have tried to come up with an offer that is amazing (I think) in terms of what I am willing to do to be released from the blackmail...I hope you consider this....and at this point, if you need to talk it over with your friend, sister, etc.....I have no control over that...I cant believe I am at this point, and that I would ever consider such things, but here goes. I realize that my "macho" got out of hand and agree to always treat women with respect and appreciate their superiority:
-Be a chore boy for an entire day for you and others as you deem fit.....sweep, mop, vacuum, scrub bathroom, grocery shopping and pay for groceries, etc-any manual labor dressed in anything you choose
-Write any kind of apology or statement about my behavior or experience with you that you can keep to ensure I always behave
-Agree to call you or receive a call and give personal information and say anything you order that would serve as a way to totally humiliate me if anyone ever heard it
-Meet with you in a shopping mall alone or with your sister, gf, etc and do some (limited)shopping and allow public humiliation if I do not obey. I will walk behind you and carry packages as ordered and run to the counter as you snap your fingers
-Meet with you live under any circtumstances and undergo any type of humiliation with photos that you wish and sign any agreement or recognition of your power over me and my inferiority to you and other women. At that time make a modest one time payment for your time "training" me (as you know, money is very very tight)
-Agree that I would help you (and this can be in the document) in any way you order in your professional career
The only need I would have is that you agree never to tell anyone about me and to keep all documents and photos in a totally safe place.
Please consider this? Let me know.....I cant believe I am offering this and cant imagine any of these steps, but am at this point of desperation.......