thinking outloud

so...I guess when someone is humiliated "live" it sticks and sticks...and yes, I suspect that if this grad student put me over her knee in person and spanked me until I cried like a 5 year old or begged her to stop when my ass turned pink, I would never challenge or feel confident in resisting....but with this IM process, it is hard to believe I ever gave personal info...in fact, hard to believe I would even do it now, even knowing she has it....to confirm my address, cell phone etc....just the act of giving personal info is humiliating and makes me feel weak and very stupid....and I realize how pathetic I acted when she started talking about her bf and what he might do to me.....and cant imagine ever being that pathetic on im again....or telling any blog readers about what exactly it involved and how wimpy I got....I am sure she erased all those old IMs...I know I didnt keep them!!! Anyway, just thoughts on how IM domination can weaken a bit over time without a live session or booster, I think...although it takes days for this to happen...